touch of autumn

It does not seem to be as we remember autumn would be. This year has been different. I know we can not chose or manipulate the weather the way we like or do remember of before. This year appears to be different. Forecasters have been wrong most of the days, more or less.

It does not help the feelings toward a positive attitude about life. It is a question we can not know the answer. It is hard to take it knowing that all things are God's making. I have a hard time to positive attitude about myself. Dull days are depressing. No need to do anything, nobody needs me, just wait . Wait for what? We all know there is an end to our life in this world, but why do I have to think about it so much? I am considerably well health wise, as far as I know. But do I know ? I am scared to think of future dreams, It might be just dreams that never come real.
Being alone I have hard time to keep myself positively thinking and hope I am not wasting the days Lord granted me with. I can not put it in the right words the feeling that does not create exactly a confidence for the next day. Crazy, the general perception, but there is no pattern how we are suppose to be or feel. It is confusingly lonely longing for closer relationships that are very hard to find. We are too much involved in our personal life. Sharing feelings is not a common subject. I don't even know if there has to be a personal care for other people's emotions. I was just thinking about what my sister wrote about the understanding of words. Someone wrote in the readers letters that referring to heart as emotional factor is wrong. It is only a part of our bodily functions, like a mechanical part, that keeps our body functioning.
I thought that this particular person never mentioned soul. Neither did my sister, referring back on emotions in words. She said in a poem : don't scatter words, they are very affective creating feelings or hurting . How do you connect with people? How do you get friends if you are not free of using words the way you feel? I know I am making a big issue off it. Truth is still and always has been the best solution no matter how the feelings are. Feelings are instant reflection and has not given time to our soul to evaluate the few words that appear to be wrong. Am I lost in my thoughts? God gave me the gift of being able to think and decide about what I hear. I do not like to be hasty. Life goes on regardless how we trip and if we get up again and chose another understanding. God's will is a mystery and I don't know what He had in mind to make me think about all this so extensively. I do pray to have a peace in my mind to let things take care by Him...