...selfcontrol...

The first month of this year is gone. I have not had any real happy days. The year started with a common cold and I was not thinking it might get worse. But I am my own worst enemy because I never realized that I am building my own stress, many times for meaningless things; this did get my blood pressure high and not knowing much about health proceedings I damaged my own eye that had the macular ( wet) degeneration stopped. Now the blood pressure has opened it again. Besides, I was not aware of that and was thinking and worrying that I might have flu. I did not have any symptoms of it that I new of. So it did stress my soul and mind thinking I am at the age  close to life's end. More stress and I was having hard time even to do my bare necessities. How I wished I had some one to talk to and needed a little bit of help to get the stress down. An odd day I felt better, but then I thought again about what else will happen and I was stressed again. Finally I had my regular appointment with my family doctor. She said I did not have flu and told me not to think so much to eliminate the stress that had called all those bodily malfunctions. I felt better after.
  Next week I had a regular check up with my retina specialist doctor. I felt easy going to Toronto to see him. I like him, he is so good to talk to. However, this time my examination showed the damage that the stress had done. My left eye has started to progress the macular deterioration. He started the treatment with the medicine injection in the eyeball and will order an angiogram for me. That did not create a joy. I am trying to follow my physician's advise to control my stress build up. It is hard not to think, especially like I was so used to find details of anything I happen to have popping in my mind. I am trying not to build fear of all this. It is so hard to control my own self made stress.
The only one who could help me must be God and I have to make sure my faith and trust Him will help... Will I be strong enough? - it's scary...