
Friday, August 14, 2009
Just afterthought

Thursday, July 16, 2009
just thinking with no answers...
I have no spiritual mentor right now. The only way to shake my soul is to put something in poetry, though I am not sure if that gives any relief of thougths about how far is my death
In the book
I’m writing not really knowing what for.
Every one is getting old
There are no written instructions
For process of how.
I think I do believe in God,
But I am human
And how do I know the reality?
So far, I feel, still to have my common sense
To receive aging as it advances.
It’s scary to admit
And hard to drop an ever lasting thought
How will it end?
Will I get disabled and hurt?
Hard to give up the activities
I used to do and liked.
My body starts protesting moves.
Pain is a new element.
Hard to accept consequences.
Do I trust abstract, spiritual, hope to God
When there is no other support
For aging soul to hold onto?…
The only choice to avoid
That shaky waiting time
To leave this world
Don’t think
Just live the best today...
Saturday, June 20, 2009
rainy days
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Melancholy
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wind again

I woke up by the noise of a shower banging on the metal roof. The power had been off during the night and the clock was just blinking.
A dull beginning of a day. I got up. But the darkness made my thoughts hang on to aftermath of yeaterdays funeral about life and death.
I felt like going back to bed and not to wake up at all. However it isn't my choice.
After my chugging along the regular routine, the rain stopped. Instead a wind, like I never liked, was shaking everything it could get hold on. Dried branches from the trees, even the cover from my birdfeeder was ripped off and blown around.
I can not find peace in it. It rips my thoughts in twirls from utter extremities about everything. It did get sunny, but the wind - the wind wont stop.
Restlessly I was trying to catch it on pictures to illustrate my dislike. The branches from the willow were blown parallel to the ground. Even my tulips got bend down pretty well touching the grass with their blooms.
There is no way to stop it. I can not accept it patiently. For some reason it disturbs me. The worst part is that I don't understand why it bothers me so much. Maybe some day I'll find out. Just now the best thing I can do is putting my unrest in words on paper and let it be. It will stop sooner or later.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Funeral
I was talking to Pastor Vos , I really do need a mentor, but even a few words of him helped to get myself a bit together. We can not change what has happened in the past and we can not make any one's perception of life like we think they ought.
It is scary to worry about children's future when I know they have not the base strong enough to depend on God. All I can do is pray..... and try to have faith that God knows...
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Special
It made my day! In the spring rush I do feel abandoned. Every one has their own spring work and there is not much time to spare for "little old lady".However, when Nathaniel presented me with his first prise craft, made me feel that I am special to him, if even for a short while. I hope he can understand that the little attention he decided to present to me, for him it was a big creation work, made me get out of the feeling of being lonely.
I hope he grows up to be a loving person all the time.
Thanks a lot, Nathaniel.


