Just another day

May 10, 2013

It is raining. First things in the morning feels down pressing. Darkness is never a good feeling.
Just as the day went the rain never amount to anything big, just enough to help the nature to wake up of the winter sleep.
Why am I writing?
Just feels like a nice day anyway. I've taking pictures from  inside the house as the birds at the feeder and the rabbits  making a date. It looks like the whole nature has a need to have some "drink" to give the energy to start a new seasons growth.
At my regular evening routine I noticed that my vision was exceptionally good in comparison of other evenings. I do wonder why?
Will I ever get an answer or is it just my believe and faith that God is with me? In any case I do feel exceptionally good without thinking if I am in a dream or imagination.
I don't have any other way of share my joyful feeling than just write here. How good does it do to me or is anyone sharing it with me - really does not matter. It is good to be able to see clearer than before - vision or imagination - medical help - or God's blessing? - Just enough to have a grateful and joyful evening.
Blessed night for every one , if you ever read this.

May 7th


I was yesterday on another Eduard Klassens concert. We live miles apart and meat only at the concerts. Something touches me and he responds as lovely as I wish anyone else would do.
There must be an extraterestial connection between us. Invisible strings that bind us. It changes my whole day's ruffles when I meet him and listen to his musicc and speech. Mystery or God's guided relationship?
I just wonder. To me every time I meet him and hear his concert and speech, even some might be repeat, gives me like another  blessing of peace. I have not asked how he feels about it, but  - I think the hugs I get says it.
It makes a day to forget all worldly troubles.
Thank you Eduard.

May 4th 2013

Waiting -
Isn't that what life is about?
I am accusing anyone - just lonely - who knows what is it like to be my age , always being active, maybe not always the way God wants me to go. I am getting more tired physically , but so far my mind and my soul is still active and criticising myself. Am I  expecting things that other people can not do? I did spent my life helping people who were incapable to hep themselves. I really felt good then. But according to the Bible - what you give will get returned some time or other.  Am I at this point insignificant and unimportant? I still have the same feelings for others I had when I was filling my days without thinking if  I have a life of my own - just help others to feel as comfortable and as loved as I did. Did I make illusions for my self? Isn't that the real earthly way of living? Why am I so frustrated? To me it feels like I have always given and never received the love I thought was suppose to come back to me?
I guess I'll never know the real truth until there after...

April 27, 2013

April 27, 2013

It is suppose to be spring. Today we have sun, though it started the day cloudy.
The worst part are the changes on the Internet that makes it hard to find how to add another
entry. I can't remember what I wanted to write about. The connection is so hard or maybe I am getting too old to do any more writing.
Being alone I would like to write more on the blog, but I don't even know how I got on this or if it will be posted on my blog. I know there are no people that I know off reading my bog anyway. Just like to be busy so my thinking don't start fading away.
Just remains to see if I got it on.
 Well, I checked on the preview and it is going on.

I am not suppose to think so deep. Today after having a visitor and couple phone calls from relatives I could not stop floating in the thought how do they read my poems? Does it ever enter their minds the thought why I wrote that poem? I do write only when I have thoughts that touch me too deep, hurt or misunderstand what I did like to say looking for someone who could take time and discuss my reasons.
Most of them are longing to find more loving people. Am I unrealistic? Do I always float on a dream rainbow? Is my heart so tender that no one can understand why I feel like I do? My medical physician does understand. The only thing is that I don't have enough time for personal time enough with her. For some reason , that is my soul, they like to get out of f me and if I am distorted to get straighten. Life's standards are changing by the day and I am having hard time letting the good things from the past go watching that today's society drops them  as old fashioned, inconvenient etc.
Since when LOVE isn't love anymore? How is it different today than it was ages ago? Sad loss.
I am still hoping for rebirth...

Time...

I've been told not to think so much, but nothing is so hard as to control the wandering of your own thoughts. I just published my book " Wandering" an after a session at the church about the Journey Forward my thoughts made me re-read a poem I wrote in it:

Time.

No one has enough time

Or so they say.

Yet it’s the most priceless gift

We have through God’s grace.

Why is it so seldom that

We share it with others?

And my ever non-stoppable thoughts put the suggestions of the church work to: look up, look in and look out evaluating my own way of living. I did look up - I do believe the Lord must have made me to write this book. Then I had to look in myself to find out and evaluate what I have in me to give to others by looking out. Further my thoughts started to think about what I wrote - sharing.  Time is a very priceless thing to give and it does not cost any money if we remember the word sacrifice. We are using time watching TV, playing games on iPods and other "newly" invented toys. Do they help anyone to see that life is still worth living even if you are lonesome and forgotten?
I think we are too superficial in lot of things that really are meaningless to live or don't we have anything in ourselves to give?
Why not "sacrifice" some of the so called recreational time to help or socialize with people who are forgotten and ignored for some reason or other?
Am I thinking too idealistic?
What do we sacrifice in this period of worldly life? The Bible , the old testament", said all kinds of sufferings and offerings  for the praise of God. What do we sacrifice?
.. yes, I've been told I'm thinking too deep. Really?...it's hard to stop when you are alone without anyone but God to talk to and to see that he made "this day" for a reason...

...selfcontrol...

The first month of this year is gone. I have not had any real happy days. The year started with a common cold and I was not thinking it might get worse. But I am my own worst enemy because I never realized that I am building my own stress, many times for meaningless things; this did get my blood pressure high and not knowing much about health proceedings I damaged my own eye that had the macular ( wet) degeneration stopped. Now the blood pressure has opened it again. Besides, I was not aware of that and was thinking and worrying that I might have flu. I did not have any symptoms of it that I new of. So it did stress my soul and mind thinking I am at the age  close to life's end. More stress and I was having hard time even to do my bare necessities. How I wished I had some one to talk to and needed a little bit of help to get the stress down. An odd day I felt better, but then I thought again about what else will happen and I was stressed again. Finally I had my regular appointment with my family doctor. She said I did not have flu and told me not to think so much to eliminate the stress that had called all those bodily malfunctions. I felt better after.
  Next week I had a regular check up with my retina specialist doctor. I felt easy going to Toronto to see him. I like him, he is so good to talk to. However, this time my examination showed the damage that the stress had done. My left eye has started to progress the macular deterioration. He started the treatment with the medicine injection in the eyeball and will order an angiogram for me. That did not create a joy. I am trying to follow my physician's advise to control my stress build up. It is hard not to think, especially like I was so used to find details of anything I happen to have popping in my mind. I am trying not to build fear of all this. It is so hard to control my own self made stress.
The only one who could help me must be God and I have to make sure my faith and trust Him will help... Will I be strong enough? - it's scary...