Last day in November 2008

I woke up at 5:00 Am and started the day reciting the hymn “This is the day the Lord has made”. Had to get up early then a haiku was roaming around my head too. I did send it in to the competition though it did not connect to the inspirational picture.
The morning routine got done fast and I was sitting and waiting for the time to go to church. We had again the pastor of Newmarket service today. I really did not follow well the sermon, sort of tended to fall asleep. After the service we had the council’s report on what has happened since Octobers report when they suspended Ken because he committed adultery. Kind of a sad situation. I don’t like to judge anyone, but – “…for those tears I died…” does not get of my mind. Two couples have now separated and by the looks of it will never try to reconcile.
I just don’t feel right about the whole thing. My instinct received Ken with an open statement: “I don’t like you”. Though I still don’t know why I had that feeling. There was something in his face and in his posture that just stirred this feeling in me. I did try to connect with him in his personal visits, but I don’t think he even tried to look deeper in me. Now Clare is shedding tears. Honestly I don’t believe she is loosing much. Their children have capsulated themselves inside, none are being open on their blogs. And I can not get back into my creative thinking. The whole congregation is distraught and sort of lost. Feels like the togetherness has scattered in different directions. There are also several serious sicknesses for some members and it just feels like the load is too heavy.
I usually do not do any recreational work on Sunday’s, but today I finished the one lap-afghan Mary Jane wants for some nursing home. I still am restless and disturbed. I feel I failed as a Christian to touch Ken when he visited me. Bu t I guess it always takes two – one who gives and one who receives. Do I make a justification for myself? Just does not feel right…
I was suppose to go to Marmora for the writers exhibition and stay with Inta over night. The forecast for the weather was scary so I cancelled it. Last I heard was that the expected storm should start about 2:00 PM today. So far there has not been anything but clouds. Now it’s 3:00 PM and I can see outside the wind starts getting restless. That does not help my mood either.
I poured myself a glass of wine well knowing it isn’t going to cheer me. It’s stupid, but I hope it makes me go to bed earlier and tomorrow always seem to be better…
It starts snowing now and I am as frustrated as one can be not knowing next word to say and to whom...