Begining January 1st 2009

I did stay awake, I had my glass of wine, I had money in my pocket, I had a piece of new clothing on - so old time customs are all met.

First picture, new moon, new day, new year -

new beginning ....

Best wishes, peace, love and God's blessings to all

with all my heart

Anna

2008 last night

Last day of an other year of my life. Last picture I took before it turned dark at my place. Along the old custom beliefs I did go to town, paid my bills and mailed letters that had been forgotten to mail. Coming back home was rather dangerous because it snowed very fine. The wind blew the snow in spirals and every different way. Visibility was hard. I got home safe.
Because of the habit to have it all that has to be done before the new year starts I had cleaned the house, done the laundry and all the little things that actually is part of normal daily living. Only on new years eve we are suppose to take particular care of it, then the tell-tale says that what you do on the first day of a new year so you do all year around. Who wants to be disorderly all year round?
So since there was not much to do and my mind was buzzing with thoughts what to put on the blog as a fare well to the old year, I watched the snow through the window. It did change from few flakes making a small rounds and floating down taking their time to big ones and even to squalls. The sun was trying to flash a smile through them, but it did not came very bright. Then I kind of danced with the flakes back through this year. Like the snow flakes every day has been different, at least in my perception. I was thinking how we spent new year's night when I was young. New year never had any religious meaning, at least that I can recall. But there was all kinds of , maybe superstitious, customs that the young people used to do at the parties.
They all were to us like a party games. One was that a person stood with the back to the outside door and threw a shoe over the shoulder. If the shoe fell with the toe towards the door that meant this person will move out of the place. If it was with the heel to the door, he or she will live there the rest of the year.
Then we also melted zinc in tablespoons on a candle and when it was runny dropped it in a cold water, where it splattered out in different forms. They got picked up and held on hand letting the light create shadow on the wall and everybody tried to interpret what they saw in the shadow - guessing what will come in the new year their way. It was amazing enough and we had a lot of laughs.
Now - I just like to be by myself and start the new year quietly wishing that the whole year will be peaceful. I don't remember us starting the year going to church, but now I am looking forward to it. I guess I have learned by now that without God there might not even be a new year. Besides I feel like the church still is the best place to say thank you to God for the year ended and pray for His help to live the new year as much as possible for his service.
Now I think I should finish this blog and put on another when the new year arrives.

Last night's storm

Merry Christmas and God's blessings through the New Year to all !



It was scary. The wind blew like it wanted to demolish the house. It took the cover of the bird feeder and slammed it to the garage door. Scared me for a minute, but then I had to get out to salvage before it gets buried in snow. I went out not even getting dressed for outside, just like I was inside.I put the lid back on and weight it down with a clay brick.
Back inside thoughts were drifting in the unknown. I lit the candle and thought, since I had e-mailed many cards on a program the receivers could not open, to write my Christmas Wishes on the blog. People who care would read it.
I decided to ad the poem I had written on some of the cards.
Since I am always getting in trouble to manipulate the computer, I did not manage to put the poem beside the picture. But this occupied my mind last night until I fell asleep and did not hear the wind any more.
This morning the wind was still tearing the snow in squalls, but by the time the light came up it was quiet. I just simmered down, got properly dressed and went out to clear the snow away from the bird feeder and make a pas to the garage. I scattered more seeds here and there on the pavement and door steps.
The birds did not take long to appreciate the seeds and I was watching them from inside - an other day I am up and done a bit of good for the creations...

Christmas meditation

Years pass day by day
and much that we loved got lost.
Pushed by the rush of every day running
trying to catch the unending dreams
do not pass the little candle
lit in the Christmas tree.
This little humble candle
reminds, where ever we are,
the star of Bethlehem still shines
like the night when Christ was born.
His Light will never vanish
regardless how dark this world turns,
because He will come again
bringing Light of eternal Peace.

I'm trying...

I should be grateful for every day I am still alive. This day is rattling my soul. The wind - I never liked it to begin with. It's blowing so hard that the noise alone shakes my heart. It rips of branches of the trees, even the cover of my bird feeder. The last oak leaves are blown all around the snowy front, batches of snow are falling of the roof making a noise like someone wants to demolish the house.

I am so restless, don't know what to do best to keep my mind cool.

I did bake a double portion of short breads, but it still howls outside. The day is getting towards the end. I am waiting for Biruta to call me how Indra is doing at the hospital. Wait and wait, it seems like an eternity. Finally I phoned her. The line was busy. Wait again. No peace. I'm trying to fill the time to think something else.

Worked on the Photoshop. Took this picture of the "Christmas" tree in front of my house. It was nice and peaceful looking then. Snow decorations on it, calm and clean. Today the wind is bending the tree in extreme directions with no rhythmic pattern, just plucking and plucking again. It hurts to look at. So I called my file "Imagination" and put the candles on it that it would give me something joyful to look at. I even mailed it to couple people.

Finally I got the phone answered by Biruta. She had been a short time at the hospital. They don't let anyone to stay long with Indra. She still isn't able to talk. They also say she has a bit of water by her heart, although that suppose to be a common occurrence after such operation. I don't know why but tears are running down my face. Ruta (we call her name shortened) did not seem to be nervous about anything. Promised to call me tomorrow night. I will go to Stayner tomorrow. Eduard Klassen has a performance at a seniors manor there and I like to hear him and buy another of his Christmas CD's to send to my friend in Japan; it is late for Christmas gift, but she will like it. I did send her a card already.

Now it's 8:15 P.M. and the wind sound has stopped. Maybe I will calm down in a little while playing the solitaire and having my glass of wine by listening to Klassen's harp music same time.

I just wonder: is this whole thing just because I am getting at the age when nothing seems to fit like before? How am I suppose to age peacefully?

December 12.2008. This is a day my blood pressure is making loops like a jo-jo. My sister is having a major heart operation: two bypasses and a vent replacement in the heart. I know it is in the hand’s of the doctors with God's help. It suppose to be a seven hour surgery. My anxiety does not make any difference, but I just can not let it go. Tranquilizers help some, but my heart of stone still trembles. We have not been the closest friends as I thought sisters should be, but she is still my sister, three years younger than I am. I know I should always look at things like that positively, because I am suppose to know that God takes care of everything. I still have no peace. Outside it's snowing today. Great big flakes, I would look with awe any other time to the beauty of nature, but today I feel - so – so - alone - I just have to wait. Waiting isn't pleasant never for what ever reason. This has been a very long day. Finally my other sister phoned that the surgery was over and the doctors said it went perfect. She is still drugged and on all kinds of mechanical attachments, but they plan to move her to intensive care room shortly, where she will be couple more days. She has not talked yet. I don't know why I had to write it here, just maybe it will give me a more peaceful sleep. Her immediate family seem to be content with it and carry on their daily routines. Why am I so restless? The snowing outside looks like frozen tears coming down from heaven ever so slowly and gracefully. I took the pictures of it. Though I don't think it has much sense in it and does not make me feel less anxious.
I typed this yesterday with so many spelling errors I had to delete it. So this is the corrected version.

December 12.2008

Snowy day

It's a day to have serene time. There is a nature's power outside. It snows. At times the wind makes its unruly moves twisting the snow up and down in spirals, blowing the last dried leaves it manages to rip of the oak tree and turns them in wild circles on the snow covered earth. Does the wind know what it is up to?

The birds at the feeder are shy trying to get some seeds, same time sitting low to keep their feet warmer in the snow. They also are trying to avoid fights with other species. There are quite a few attending, not that I know all their names.

Just watching them I'm thinking of ourselves - people - Christians....

We don't take time enough to stop and watch how God provides those little creatures. Who do they complain to if the snow covers the feeder too deep and they have to miss meals for undetermined time?

The snow stopped me of going to church this morning, even so I had done with some joy a New Brunswick salad for the luncheon after service. It just did not have to be. That is why I am taking time looking out the window from inside a warm house after having a healthy breakfast and trying to be content.

It is some silent sight for not using my own will to go. Just had to stop and realize how well, though it seems insignificant, God's blessings we have.

I took this picture from the porch, but the birds did not like my presence and took off. Anyway, I did just to remember myself how much we miss the sermons we can learn from everything around us.

December 1.2008

Why did I pick this picture from last year? Because it's so clean and peaceful'. I am not fitting in my own skin today. Right now I'm trying to find something worthwhile to complain.
It's hard, not in my nature to complain.
But already last night my TV satellite did not respond. I could not watch the news. Hoping that this morning it will be better - no such luck. Aggravating. Phoned Bell Express. Took an hour and half to follow what a girl told me to do. I suppose she got tired explaining and said it's fine now, leave for two ours on and it will turn to normal, then turn what channel you like. I had got stuck on the weather channel last night.
So after all the trembling while following the girls directions my blood pressure went up and I was not sure I should not go to emergency before I get a stroke. Anyway, two hours later the picture came on to the weather channel. I switched to CTV and all I got was scattering colours and partial syllables of the report. I did feel sick. Switched the TV off and debated weather I should call Dirk tonight. But that just got my blood pressure higher - I don't like to be constantly bothering him. Finished an other afghan , took a tranquilizer, laid down long enough to read a short story and then decided to call Bell back again. The tranquilizer must have stopped my inside trembling. I did get a man directing what to do this time. Did not take long - he said they have had so many complaints because most TVs have not been updated and the recent snow storms have affected Ontario's receptions. So he ordered a service man for Dec. 4th to come and adjust it. After me telling about the number of services I've had this year, he said that I've been such a long time customer, they will serve and update, but it cost $75.00. I laughed and sad that sure makes expensive news time for me, then that is all I watch. So he said after a bit of checking, that for a good customer they will not charge the service, just my monthly pay will be up extra $4.20. Well, I just said thank you and he assured that the man will be here at noon Thursday. I do feel more calm now, the pill must have made more actions inside me.
Somehow I could not get to any distant work, just now though, the bread machine beeped, I will have a fresh bread for change.
I really feel like to complain or scream about all these complicated deeds. I understand better, but it is hard to keep myself in calm control.
So I was looking for a photo that would picture my angry mind, but instead I found this last years snow day in middle of November and it looked so clean and peaceful, I just sat down, watched it a while and then thought to put it on the blog. We have had days with not exactly pleasant weather. So look at that one and see: complain or anger - the Lord covers it clean and white...