December 12.2008. This is a day my blood pressure is making loops like a jo-jo. My sister is having a major heart operation: two bypasses and a vent replacement in the heart. I know it is in the hand’s of the doctors with God's help. It suppose to be a seven hour surgery. My anxiety does not make any difference, but I just can not let it go. Tranquilizers help some, but my heart of stone still trembles. We have not been the closest friends as I thought sisters should be, but she is still my sister, three years younger than I am. I know I should always look at things like that positively, because I am suppose to know that God takes care of everything. I still have no peace. Outside it's snowing today. Great big flakes, I would look with awe any other time to the beauty of nature, but today I feel - so – so - alone - I just have to wait. Waiting isn't pleasant never for what ever reason. This has been a very long day. Finally my other sister phoned that the surgery was over and the doctors said it went perfect. She is still drugged and on all kinds of mechanical attachments, but they plan to move her to intensive care room shortly, where she will be couple more days. She has not talked yet. I don't know why I had to write it here, just maybe it will give me a more peaceful sleep. Her immediate family seem to be content with it and carry on their daily routines. Why am I so restless? The snowing outside looks like frozen tears coming down from heaven ever so slowly and gracefully. I took the pictures of it. Though I don't think it has much sense in it and does not make me feel less anxious.
I typed this yesterday with so many spelling errors I had to delete it. So this is the corrected version.