I'm trying...

I should be grateful for every day I am still alive. This day is rattling my soul. The wind - I never liked it to begin with. It's blowing so hard that the noise alone shakes my heart. It rips of branches of the trees, even the cover of my bird feeder. The last oak leaves are blown all around the snowy front, batches of snow are falling of the roof making a noise like someone wants to demolish the house.

I am so restless, don't know what to do best to keep my mind cool.

I did bake a double portion of short breads, but it still howls outside. The day is getting towards the end. I am waiting for Biruta to call me how Indra is doing at the hospital. Wait and wait, it seems like an eternity. Finally I phoned her. The line was busy. Wait again. No peace. I'm trying to fill the time to think something else.

Worked on the Photoshop. Took this picture of the "Christmas" tree in front of my house. It was nice and peaceful looking then. Snow decorations on it, calm and clean. Today the wind is bending the tree in extreme directions with no rhythmic pattern, just plucking and plucking again. It hurts to look at. So I called my file "Imagination" and put the candles on it that it would give me something joyful to look at. I even mailed it to couple people.

Finally I got the phone answered by Biruta. She had been a short time at the hospital. They don't let anyone to stay long with Indra. She still isn't able to talk. They also say she has a bit of water by her heart, although that suppose to be a common occurrence after such operation. I don't know why but tears are running down my face. Ruta (we call her name shortened) did not seem to be nervous about anything. Promised to call me tomorrow night. I will go to Stayner tomorrow. Eduard Klassen has a performance at a seniors manor there and I like to hear him and buy another of his Christmas CD's to send to my friend in Japan; it is late for Christmas gift, but she will like it. I did send her a card already.

Now it's 8:15 P.M. and the wind sound has stopped. Maybe I will calm down in a little while playing the solitaire and having my glass of wine by listening to Klassen's harp music same time.

I just wonder: is this whole thing just because I am getting at the age when nothing seems to fit like before? How am I suppose to age peacefully?