Begining January 1st 2009

I did stay awake, I had my glass of wine, I had money in my pocket, I had a piece of new clothing on - so old time customs are all met.

First picture, new moon, new day, new year -

new beginning ....

Best wishes, peace, love and God's blessings to all

with all my heart

Anna

2008 last night

Last day of an other year of my life. Last picture I took before it turned dark at my place. Along the old custom beliefs I did go to town, paid my bills and mailed letters that had been forgotten to mail. Coming back home was rather dangerous because it snowed very fine. The wind blew the snow in spirals and every different way. Visibility was hard. I got home safe.
Because of the habit to have it all that has to be done before the new year starts I had cleaned the house, done the laundry and all the little things that actually is part of normal daily living. Only on new years eve we are suppose to take particular care of it, then the tell-tale says that what you do on the first day of a new year so you do all year around. Who wants to be disorderly all year round?
So since there was not much to do and my mind was buzzing with thoughts what to put on the blog as a fare well to the old year, I watched the snow through the window. It did change from few flakes making a small rounds and floating down taking their time to big ones and even to squalls. The sun was trying to flash a smile through them, but it did not came very bright. Then I kind of danced with the flakes back through this year. Like the snow flakes every day has been different, at least in my perception. I was thinking how we spent new year's night when I was young. New year never had any religious meaning, at least that I can recall. But there was all kinds of , maybe superstitious, customs that the young people used to do at the parties.
They all were to us like a party games. One was that a person stood with the back to the outside door and threw a shoe over the shoulder. If the shoe fell with the toe towards the door that meant this person will move out of the place. If it was with the heel to the door, he or she will live there the rest of the year.
Then we also melted zinc in tablespoons on a candle and when it was runny dropped it in a cold water, where it splattered out in different forms. They got picked up and held on hand letting the light create shadow on the wall and everybody tried to interpret what they saw in the shadow - guessing what will come in the new year their way. It was amazing enough and we had a lot of laughs.
Now - I just like to be by myself and start the new year quietly wishing that the whole year will be peaceful. I don't remember us starting the year going to church, but now I am looking forward to it. I guess I have learned by now that without God there might not even be a new year. Besides I feel like the church still is the best place to say thank you to God for the year ended and pray for His help to live the new year as much as possible for his service.
Now I think I should finish this blog and put on another when the new year arrives.

Last night's storm

Merry Christmas and God's blessings through the New Year to all !



It was scary. The wind blew like it wanted to demolish the house. It took the cover of the bird feeder and slammed it to the garage door. Scared me for a minute, but then I had to get out to salvage before it gets buried in snow. I went out not even getting dressed for outside, just like I was inside.I put the lid back on and weight it down with a clay brick.
Back inside thoughts were drifting in the unknown. I lit the candle and thought, since I had e-mailed many cards on a program the receivers could not open, to write my Christmas Wishes on the blog. People who care would read it.
I decided to ad the poem I had written on some of the cards.
Since I am always getting in trouble to manipulate the computer, I did not manage to put the poem beside the picture. But this occupied my mind last night until I fell asleep and did not hear the wind any more.
This morning the wind was still tearing the snow in squalls, but by the time the light came up it was quiet. I just simmered down, got properly dressed and went out to clear the snow away from the bird feeder and make a pas to the garage. I scattered more seeds here and there on the pavement and door steps.
The birds did not take long to appreciate the seeds and I was watching them from inside - an other day I am up and done a bit of good for the creations...

Christmas meditation

Years pass day by day
and much that we loved got lost.
Pushed by the rush of every day running
trying to catch the unending dreams
do not pass the little candle
lit in the Christmas tree.
This little humble candle
reminds, where ever we are,
the star of Bethlehem still shines
like the night when Christ was born.
His Light will never vanish
regardless how dark this world turns,
because He will come again
bringing Light of eternal Peace.

I'm trying...

I should be grateful for every day I am still alive. This day is rattling my soul. The wind - I never liked it to begin with. It's blowing so hard that the noise alone shakes my heart. It rips of branches of the trees, even the cover of my bird feeder. The last oak leaves are blown all around the snowy front, batches of snow are falling of the roof making a noise like someone wants to demolish the house.

I am so restless, don't know what to do best to keep my mind cool.

I did bake a double portion of short breads, but it still howls outside. The day is getting towards the end. I am waiting for Biruta to call me how Indra is doing at the hospital. Wait and wait, it seems like an eternity. Finally I phoned her. The line was busy. Wait again. No peace. I'm trying to fill the time to think something else.

Worked on the Photoshop. Took this picture of the "Christmas" tree in front of my house. It was nice and peaceful looking then. Snow decorations on it, calm and clean. Today the wind is bending the tree in extreme directions with no rhythmic pattern, just plucking and plucking again. It hurts to look at. So I called my file "Imagination" and put the candles on it that it would give me something joyful to look at. I even mailed it to couple people.

Finally I got the phone answered by Biruta. She had been a short time at the hospital. They don't let anyone to stay long with Indra. She still isn't able to talk. They also say she has a bit of water by her heart, although that suppose to be a common occurrence after such operation. I don't know why but tears are running down my face. Ruta (we call her name shortened) did not seem to be nervous about anything. Promised to call me tomorrow night. I will go to Stayner tomorrow. Eduard Klassen has a performance at a seniors manor there and I like to hear him and buy another of his Christmas CD's to send to my friend in Japan; it is late for Christmas gift, but she will like it. I did send her a card already.

Now it's 8:15 P.M. and the wind sound has stopped. Maybe I will calm down in a little while playing the solitaire and having my glass of wine by listening to Klassen's harp music same time.

I just wonder: is this whole thing just because I am getting at the age when nothing seems to fit like before? How am I suppose to age peacefully?

December 12.2008. This is a day my blood pressure is making loops like a jo-jo. My sister is having a major heart operation: two bypasses and a vent replacement in the heart. I know it is in the hand’s of the doctors with God's help. It suppose to be a seven hour surgery. My anxiety does not make any difference, but I just can not let it go. Tranquilizers help some, but my heart of stone still trembles. We have not been the closest friends as I thought sisters should be, but she is still my sister, three years younger than I am. I know I should always look at things like that positively, because I am suppose to know that God takes care of everything. I still have no peace. Outside it's snowing today. Great big flakes, I would look with awe any other time to the beauty of nature, but today I feel - so – so - alone - I just have to wait. Waiting isn't pleasant never for what ever reason. This has been a very long day. Finally my other sister phoned that the surgery was over and the doctors said it went perfect. She is still drugged and on all kinds of mechanical attachments, but they plan to move her to intensive care room shortly, where she will be couple more days. She has not talked yet. I don't know why I had to write it here, just maybe it will give me a more peaceful sleep. Her immediate family seem to be content with it and carry on their daily routines. Why am I so restless? The snowing outside looks like frozen tears coming down from heaven ever so slowly and gracefully. I took the pictures of it. Though I don't think it has much sense in it and does not make me feel less anxious.
I typed this yesterday with so many spelling errors I had to delete it. So this is the corrected version.

December 12.2008

Snowy day

It's a day to have serene time. There is a nature's power outside. It snows. At times the wind makes its unruly moves twisting the snow up and down in spirals, blowing the last dried leaves it manages to rip of the oak tree and turns them in wild circles on the snow covered earth. Does the wind know what it is up to?

The birds at the feeder are shy trying to get some seeds, same time sitting low to keep their feet warmer in the snow. They also are trying to avoid fights with other species. There are quite a few attending, not that I know all their names.

Just watching them I'm thinking of ourselves - people - Christians....

We don't take time enough to stop and watch how God provides those little creatures. Who do they complain to if the snow covers the feeder too deep and they have to miss meals for undetermined time?

The snow stopped me of going to church this morning, even so I had done with some joy a New Brunswick salad for the luncheon after service. It just did not have to be. That is why I am taking time looking out the window from inside a warm house after having a healthy breakfast and trying to be content.

It is some silent sight for not using my own will to go. Just had to stop and realize how well, though it seems insignificant, God's blessings we have.

I took this picture from the porch, but the birds did not like my presence and took off. Anyway, I did just to remember myself how much we miss the sermons we can learn from everything around us.

December 1.2008

Why did I pick this picture from last year? Because it's so clean and peaceful'. I am not fitting in my own skin today. Right now I'm trying to find something worthwhile to complain.
It's hard, not in my nature to complain.
But already last night my TV satellite did not respond. I could not watch the news. Hoping that this morning it will be better - no such luck. Aggravating. Phoned Bell Express. Took an hour and half to follow what a girl told me to do. I suppose she got tired explaining and said it's fine now, leave for two ours on and it will turn to normal, then turn what channel you like. I had got stuck on the weather channel last night.
So after all the trembling while following the girls directions my blood pressure went up and I was not sure I should not go to emergency before I get a stroke. Anyway, two hours later the picture came on to the weather channel. I switched to CTV and all I got was scattering colours and partial syllables of the report. I did feel sick. Switched the TV off and debated weather I should call Dirk tonight. But that just got my blood pressure higher - I don't like to be constantly bothering him. Finished an other afghan , took a tranquilizer, laid down long enough to read a short story and then decided to call Bell back again. The tranquilizer must have stopped my inside trembling. I did get a man directing what to do this time. Did not take long - he said they have had so many complaints because most TVs have not been updated and the recent snow storms have affected Ontario's receptions. So he ordered a service man for Dec. 4th to come and adjust it. After me telling about the number of services I've had this year, he said that I've been such a long time customer, they will serve and update, but it cost $75.00. I laughed and sad that sure makes expensive news time for me, then that is all I watch. So he said after a bit of checking, that for a good customer they will not charge the service, just my monthly pay will be up extra $4.20. Well, I just said thank you and he assured that the man will be here at noon Thursday. I do feel more calm now, the pill must have made more actions inside me.
Somehow I could not get to any distant work, just now though, the bread machine beeped, I will have a fresh bread for change.
I really feel like to complain or scream about all these complicated deeds. I understand better, but it is hard to keep myself in calm control.
So I was looking for a photo that would picture my angry mind, but instead I found this last years snow day in middle of November and it looked so clean and peaceful, I just sat down, watched it a while and then thought to put it on the blog. We have had days with not exactly pleasant weather. So look at that one and see: complain or anger - the Lord covers it clean and white...

Last day in November 2008

I woke up at 5:00 Am and started the day reciting the hymn “This is the day the Lord has made”. Had to get up early then a haiku was roaming around my head too. I did send it in to the competition though it did not connect to the inspirational picture.
The morning routine got done fast and I was sitting and waiting for the time to go to church. We had again the pastor of Newmarket service today. I really did not follow well the sermon, sort of tended to fall asleep. After the service we had the council’s report on what has happened since Octobers report when they suspended Ken because he committed adultery. Kind of a sad situation. I don’t like to judge anyone, but – “…for those tears I died…” does not get of my mind. Two couples have now separated and by the looks of it will never try to reconcile.
I just don’t feel right about the whole thing. My instinct received Ken with an open statement: “I don’t like you”. Though I still don’t know why I had that feeling. There was something in his face and in his posture that just stirred this feeling in me. I did try to connect with him in his personal visits, but I don’t think he even tried to look deeper in me. Now Clare is shedding tears. Honestly I don’t believe she is loosing much. Their children have capsulated themselves inside, none are being open on their blogs. And I can not get back into my creative thinking. The whole congregation is distraught and sort of lost. Feels like the togetherness has scattered in different directions. There are also several serious sicknesses for some members and it just feels like the load is too heavy.
I usually do not do any recreational work on Sunday’s, but today I finished the one lap-afghan Mary Jane wants for some nursing home. I still am restless and disturbed. I feel I failed as a Christian to touch Ken when he visited me. Bu t I guess it always takes two – one who gives and one who receives. Do I make a justification for myself? Just does not feel right…
I was suppose to go to Marmora for the writers exhibition and stay with Inta over night. The forecast for the weather was scary so I cancelled it. Last I heard was that the expected storm should start about 2:00 PM today. So far there has not been anything but clouds. Now it’s 3:00 PM and I can see outside the wind starts getting restless. That does not help my mood either.
I poured myself a glass of wine well knowing it isn’t going to cheer me. It’s stupid, but I hope it makes me go to bed earlier and tomorrow always seem to be better…
It starts snowing now and I am as frustrated as one can be not knowing next word to say and to whom...

I am having hard time to get on the blog what I like. Last night was so beautiful to take that

picture. At daytime it is hard to see the snowing.

So now I will try to put the one from this morning on this same blog.

Yes, I managed, but at the wrong place. It is late now and Dirk isn't here to help me. I do miss him in troubles like this.

Anyway, I got both pictures on and anyone can figure out which one was taken at last night and the other was from this morning. I do like the scenes no matter what we find to complain about. It still is beautiful and makes me to remember that it does not come by our order.

We were discussing "Blessings" - this also is a blessing if we bother to think about it deeper.

Just enjoyed back then...

I was looking for picture to work haiku to, but got stuck just dreaming "backwards" on this one. There is joy hanging in the air, in the apple blossoms, the booming white lilac. And look under the big oak tree - the forget-me-nots and dandelions are having the feast of spring light.

We do forget to stop and think how much Light we have around us. For me - it just took this picture to think about it for a while. Just had to be still and be thankful that I took this picture.

Right now there are many dark days, natural in winter, but hard to keep a lonely mind cheerful.

In this picture the Creator reminds me that it does not take much to receive His Light. It's always there, never mind few "clouds", they make me to appreciate the Light that much more. Can anyone share this feeling with me? Put the picture on full screen and you can not miss it. Just have a quiet smile about how simple Light may be.

Little things

Those two are sitting right beside my computer and I see them every day - knick- knacks. They make me avoid being lonesome. The little doll - Anne of Green Gables - I bought myself when I was in PEI touring Maude Montgomery's place, the beginning of this story about Anne. Some how I do feel like she is myself in miniature. The teddy bear - Burden Bear - was given to me by Jean some years ago when I had the blues, don't remember for what, but it does remind me that there is always somebody who cares.

They are sitting on my computer loudspeakers and especially evenings, when I play some gospel music (playing solitaire), it calms me down from the days rush through the deeds and thoughts that never get finished or answered. Some such little memorabilias help to calm down thoughts that tend to reach into the unknown future and appreciate today ending with peace in my soul.

Time gone by

That was a hard trip to get this picture on the blog. As usually I blame myself for being too stupid to know how to operate the computer. Conclusion for to day - is just that I am on the dial line and the connections get too crowded or I have no patience to wait till it completes the action.

Why this picture? It is the front of my castle. I planted the acorn to become an oak about 35 years ago and the spruce about 14 years back. They have grown without me paying particular attention to them.

Now my castle looks so small and what about me? It has been 40 years since I came living here and building my castle. Studied horticulture and tended my garden accordingly. For unintentional imprudence never stopped to watch silently for minute how great those trees became.

They are witnesses of how beautiful life has been here. Yes, there have been stormy weathers for the trees and not the friendliest neighbours around, but we grew - the trees and I.

I just read another author's writing: ..we grow from inside out... I look at those trees and see it in nature, maybe better than within myself. Somehow it still feels like I am lacking an inside balance and then I keep wondering: balance to what? Do I know myself or what is it that makes me look for balance - balance to my being myself?

I am getting too deep for now, time to break the thread of thoughts to something simpler. There will be hopefully other days and people around to track into my thoughts and I have chance of growing more to be myself.

Time passes

Life's wind

Life is like a wind
We don’t know when and how
It comes and goes
Or when will it stop
We try to survive through it
What ever it brings
Your soul develops all along
Weather you like to or not,
Change or put up with it
Either way learning
Willingly or not
Trying to find joy and peace
Out of all you can do
Though it isn’t in your power
To stop the wind of life…

And so the days go. Now three days no sun. Depressing. I know that is the season for it, I just don't feel able to find more joyous thoughts. I make mistakes on the computer and have hard time keeping myself calm about it. Some how anger tries to find a way in me, though I don't like to take it.
There will be a writers gathering In Marmora end of this month. I hope the weather will be good then. I just like to get out of here. The blanket of fallen leaves on my lawn and the greyness of the days makes me feel forgotten with them. Marmora isn't far from my daughters place and I plan to spend the night with her.
Just a dream to get out of loneliness...

The road we take

A while ago I was driving on Airport road and took this picture. It never makes a road monotonous to me. It stirs my thoughts in metaphor, rattles my spirit. Where are we going,

why and why so fast? I've been on this road many times and each time at different place it

makes me think about my life's road, that is if we think life is a road. This one was built by government or other authority.

Do we build our roads by ourselves?

Maybe it's kind of late, but I am finding more and more times in my memory that the road I did built myself ended in a swamp. Now I can believe that all had something to do with getting me to meet people who helped me to get back on the road the Lord has destined for me, though I still tremble not knowing where it will end or if I am still on the right way?

restles evening

Who is right?
I’ve been thinking
Of all the happenings
People made opinions about
What is right like?
People make schedules
Because there is someone
Who feels more righteous than others?
Do we know or do we think
That all our education
And all that our ancestry taught us
Is the perfect way to live?
Who are we?
Just Homo sapient, theoretically
Does or will any so called human
Ever know to prove
The higher power who or what
Created this world or what its destiny will be?
We are so used to organized orders
Where does feelings and emotions fit in?
Why do we have any?
The so called primitive living was
Closer to Creator
No matter how we labeled it
Or if we have a religious opinion or not
We never know the truth.
To fit in the society we live
We are not suppose to think different.
We have only one time to live
Why are we creating
All the opinions
We just assume to be right?
Who knows what the absolute right is?
We all trip some time or other
Life’s road isn’t without falls in the way
Every one of us has a soul
How do we know
Where is the difference how you feel
Or how I feel?
It’s easy to judge
But it is hard to live
By who’s order?
God’s mind is a mystery to us,
That is if we believe He is the most
But who can prove it
In today’s perception
Mostly electronically
Why do we have to be so judgmental?
In a time we don’t know
That we will have more off for ourselves?
I am not pointing at any particular happening
Just, I am deep in dusting my own soul
Where am I wrong?

thoughts flipping through previous photos

I came upon this one and thought why did I make it? I must have had some dark moment to get through. The candlestick is a gift from my father when I had my life at a dead end, but God did not think so.

Now I have a bunch of unruly thoughts and that made me think about darkness. We all have some extremely dark nights in our life. Dad said at the time that the smallest candle is still a light,

and no night lasts forever.

That made me open the Bible at Ecclesiastes and reread the section.. there is time for everything...

Time? We have calendars, clocks, watches and other contraptions that tells us time. Just what time? Life is a time.

How do we measure it and when the end for it comes?

I find that time spent with other people, particularly with true friends and ones who appear to have a dark moment at this time, seems to make the time pass without thinking about when will my life end. The trouble of to day is that we are running, running, running - where? We don't gain more God's gifted time for us. So why do we run? The calendar days come and go again and again. Do we account at the end of the day if we have lived that day contented and made someone else happy?

Jean has gone this morning to Florida. If she would read this I can hear her saying "you are thinking too much". Am I? For what purpose has God granted me these days?

The more I think about it the more humble I feel, because I don't know what God's goal is for me. I guess I am writing a sermon for myself right now, because I don't have answers for questions I am asking myself...

foggy morning

I had to get up early this morning to go to the Laboratory in Alliston. Out here at my place, between all the trees, it looked like a nice day coming. As I got on the road everything was wrapped in fog very heavy. Automatically had to put my foot on the brake. I could not see if I am on the road or half ways in the ditch. It did put sort of a break on my mind too. I proceeded to drive very slowly. I think my mind is set to change everything I see into comparisons with my personal life. Yes, there has been many foggy times. Even now it isn't too clear in my soul.

I kept driving. Since I always have the camera in my purse I thought this is a good time to stop on the road side and try to get a picture of how the sun works its way through the fog. It always does. Even in life's foggiest days there comes an other day with bright sunshine. All I have learned is that we have to stop running. Put the break on your mind and evaluate or quietly question God : how long will the fog last? You know it wont last for ever, but how bright will the sun come up? Well, I don't have any personal thick fog on my soul right now and I know, what ever there is, God will send the sunshine again. His Light can never be eliminated, though we do miss noticing when it isn't all that bright. It does come always again.

Wow, by now I have reached the Laboratory, half an hour early before opening. I got out of the car and walked to see what the sun is doing behind the buildings. It had broken the fog and was so wide spread bright I could not get a photo of it anymore (that is result for buying a cheap camera).

It did get my mind at peace and I noticed other people waiting in the lineup for the opening had a grin on their faces. Maybe I did look funny for camera in my hand and happiness on my face. though it was a good start fo my day.

Tolerance

My day was busy with all kinds of dues for plain existence. The evening got me trying to do some work I'm still learning. I really don't know why I do end my thoughts in metaphor.

I'm sure that all in this world is there because God created it for some purpose without nobodies permission or advise why or how. I looked at this picture of a place in my garden and realized I did not like the bindweed in it because it wined up the lilies and crept all over the place. The plants did not complain. They got along fine. They each have their own looks, their own beauty. We do pay for them if they are sold in store, but why do I have to dislike it in my garden? It is actually a pretty blooming vine and when my hands are not capable anymore to pull the weeds, they are not so bad after all. Just look in this picture: the baby breath, the lilies and even the binding weed add to the composition. Why don't we learn that maybe the Lord created all these flowers for us to learn togetherness and neighborly tolerance without trying to push each other away?

Just a few flowers, but when you have nobody else to share your joy with, just a look at them says: we are the greetings of the Lord.

searching soul peace

I came upon this picture. The way my days are overloaded with all kinds of emotional confusions I was looking for a picture to put a haiku on. This one sort of fitted in:

Who tends this garden?

peace and everything enough

contentment for all.

Why can't people live neighbourly like the flowers and weeds and display colours without arguments. I really don't know what I am thinking, just the look at the beauty of these plants, they are not in any one's garden. Quiet beauty and you can not do anything else but stand still and know God made them and is there. So I just stood still and forgot time, - time these days is just wondering how much longer will I live? The flowers have their seasons, so do people, just the length of the seasons differ and are unknown to us. Feels like I am spending days just waiting - waiting for an end...

just a floating thought of today

I looked at this picture I took last week and now my thoughts went behind the actual sight. Nature are God's unspoken language. He made our life like the water streams - unpredictable in power, but not always to be used for our convenience or pleasure. We do build our life like we dream about, but we never know when a stone bolder or any other resistance comes our way. We think we can manage it all, but - can we swim contently or at all in this kind of faze in the life's river flow? We should be able to build bridges over these turbulent streams, but how do we know if the river ever simmers down to a quiet pond or lake where we could have a contented swim or even a wash in hard winter times? I am always floating in the unrealistic perceptions. Why? My life is at the "winter" of it, but I can't stop interpreting all the pretty pictures I see in nature as God talking to me either to remember what mistakes I made or if there is anything I should leave to think about for the next generation. All I know we have to think a lot more of what we left behind and what we like to have in the future. It isn't always what we like and there are consequences unavoidable in our power. Why do I have to think and write publicly about it? I don't know, just had to do it. May God bless every one to build their life, especially without asking God's help.

just meditating

Not very visible on this photo, but I was trying to catch the first snowflakes on the picture. It must take a better professional photographer or more photo shop work to put it together to be believable. So is entire life. You can not catch and hold a moment or recall and hold onto yesterday. Every day we have to part with something even if it is only the day gone by. We can not know what will come next morning. I have fought hard into my mind about all the psychological and scientific terminologies for feelings, chemical actions in our bodies , science and all that we assume for granted in a run of a day. But Life from the day you are born is a mystery and I have quite a long and colourful life behind to see that it isn't us that arrange the life. We accept somethings as right; we don't have any idea what is right. Is there an absolute right? I have been through rough and nice times, have laughed and cried no end at times. I have searched solutions in different social communications, but at this time I only know, mind you even that doubtful, God is the safest one to believe and feel safe. Man made religious organizations do help if you find one that cares for your soul and tries what is disturbing it. Sometimes we ourselves don't know what are we searching for. I don't believe that anyone is entirely content how routinely life runs. There is more to it. So why I catch the first sight of the first snowflakes? Maybe the winter's snow white cower will bring a clean-white view to my soul. - I know I am only trying to console myself to find peace within my own soul about the friends and people around me who are not happy and don't slow down to see how little it takes to find joy to live if we let God run our life. Catching snowflakes is just a moment to see that all what is in this world isn't for us to have. It is hard to find peace in your soul all by yourself, even if you seem to have all you need. My soul is demanding and it is hard to put it into entire peace.

What makes me think about all this? Is my soul so bad or so hurt that I can not stop searching for the ultimate peace? Is there one?

A day to calm down

I do like to write a blog entry about this day, but silently am afraid of how people and my family who will read it responds to it. However it is my feelings and my thoughts, for today. I don't like to be looked at as an advertising board for Eduard Klassen's performances, but to me he leaves like moment of sunshine in a day that gets darker towards coming winter and when the world does not think about anything else than the crush prospect in financial market. Money has never purchased peace in any one's soul. I've been to quite a few of Eduard's performances and every time he has spoken and played the harp from the depth of his soul . He has found God's grace at all fazes in his life. Hearing it told some how including humor he is a great witness to God's presence on every step in his life. It makes me like to hear his testimony again and again, it helps me to "dust" my soul and be more humble.
This picture is at Burton Ave United Church in Barrie, Mr. Klassen preparing to play.

mixed emotions

Just trying to find a picture that shows how I feel at this moment. This flower, I call it the Madonna of flowers, touched me. Remaining raindrops - tears of heaven - I suppose are needed to keep it so pure looking. Tears - I have had so many in my life that I wonder if God sent them to make my soul pure? I See and feel , I assume, different than other people. That makes it very hard to have a balanced and peaceful life. I remember my father saying: people think - God does.

Now I wonder where am I? Do I think right or does God make me hear different voices to guide my next step? It is hard and I don't know how to get my own soul at peace. I know I can't change the world and even if I try to stir up somebody else's thinking it isn't in my power to let it happen. Right or wrong - it keeps on asking: God, where are you? I feel like I am teetering on a sharp edge and am afraid to fall. Friends to hold me up I have a few, but they not here every moment I desperately need their support. I pray and still wonder - what next?

At Bracebridge

Yesterday watching all the water falls and natures formations , my mind recalled all the parallels in life and nature. We do wander and step over or bypass so many little things without
thinking why it is there, how did it get where it is and why is it as it is. Do we look at beautiful things and places just because of their form or colour? To me it all are unwritten messages to think about the non visible symbolism or metaphors or even guidance to live, that God keeps sending to us. How often do we try to read and interpret that application to our lives?
Lot of the flowers don't bloom in our lifes, because we trample on them. Lot of the thorns are piercing us, because we don't pay attention where we go. Tears - washes the wounds, but does not bring back time.
I guess I should quit, I am getting too deep in my thoughts for now. The little haiku just came with this picture when I could not pass by. At the time it just stirred my attention and I took it.
Now I think it is great to reflect.

Life’s river reflects
Many flowers, thorns and tears
Just temporary

it felt like Sunday

My sister came today and we went looking at the autumn coloured trees on roads we never been before. This road side maple alley made me think about human autumn. Both of us are in the later part of it. Each one ages differently, not by our choice. We did not use exactly the same words to enjoy the colourful views, but it certainty was a day as I can remember, we never had together in this country. We both are widows, not feeling like going anywhere alone, it makes the loneliness feel more even if the sights are beautiful; it was. I thank God for having such a day and told her that was the best part of it. The picture might not be the best we saw, but I am still not very familiar what my camera can do and how I should handle it. Anyway, it was a day better than any Caribbean holiday.Tough early couple days, great Thanks Giving Day for me.

Eduard Klassen

I went yesterday to Eduard Klassen's performance at the Clearwater Community Church in Stayner. I just love his performances. He is not only a musician, playing the Paraguayan harp, but he also tells mission stories the way he has experienced them with a joy, thankfulness and humor. One does not have to belong to any particular church to listen to his confessions how he accepted God's presence in all situations.

The hour he performs went by so fast I wished for more. He has the next performance closes here is on the 26th October in Barrie. I'm looking forward to go there. I have been to quite a few of his concerts and amazing how he always comes out with different stories. I have his biography book, but the way he tells the stories they are very entertaining, humorous and makes you think how little we know of God's world.

Plums

There is Nat picking plums in their own backyard. I am glad that there are still people to use the earth for some more productive reasons than just perfect lawn. They are not only good to watch as they grow but also a vitamin supply for winter home made and money saved. Today's children usually have no chance to see were from and how their food gets on the table.

The plums are yummy looking, but Nat is the best looking friend I have. Hope he enjoys the plums.

I did it

This is the third time I am doing it. I accomplished to write this on the second try, but accidentally deleted it. Now I have no more time to repeat all I had written. Just thank you for sending me a flower though only on the Internet.

It did challenge me to write and I did on my haiku card too.

It was hard to get it in this blog. It takes so long to upload.
It is sort of shady day. Once in a while the sun comes out, but like the story tells, the ash tree sprouts the leaves late and sheds them first. Nature tells the weather story, we just don't pay attention to understand it.
This is what I see first thing in the morning as I open my eyes still in bed. Amazing how I got used to whatch that particular tree grow taller and how it reacts for the seasons. It does impress on my mood for the day starting. When the leaves turned yellow it looked beautiful, but the beauty was a begining of the announcement for the autumn. Now it's just a question: when is the first frost appearing?
There is moment in this morning's sight to think about, namely Thanks Giving. I have few people I can't find words how to say thank you good enough. So the best I can do silently thank God for sending them in my life.
I started the course in Photography and that will take some time out of my creative production in writing. The chalenge is trilling. Never too old to learn; keeps me outof mischief.
It took me best part of this day to accomplish this, but it is one step forward and the day was not entirely wasted.
Wow, I made it without grammatical errors too.

still confused

I managed to get the picture I wrote yesterday on.I just could not figure out how to add the text beside or above it without opening a new posting.
The text I was trying to write yesterday was about having a lot of arthritic pain and this registered right away in my mind: why is the end of my life's road so painful? Will there be a Light after the end?
Though the place where I took this picture radiated peace though the walking was rough. Am I dwelling in too mach negative thoughts?
I still like the picture, it is encouraging.

Dark day

The morning light woke me up and I was looking forward to a nice day. It does not work as we think. By eight o'clock it started to rain and it turned the day dark. Black is the colour o sadness and the day certainly had a depressing light, mainly because I have yet not opened this blog as I would like it to do, namely just without putting in every time my e-mail and password. There must be a shorter way, others have it. So grandma, learn!

First try to do something on the blog

Cocktail recipe
©Anna Plesums

my life’s cocktail
is made of words and feelings
a drop of imaginary love
reality and theories
found and doubted
learning the hard way
tripping over thoughts of death
running, grasping, catching,
saving the impossible dreams
years fly by changing constantly
it isn’t finished yet -
aging brings new flavors
loneliness, sorrows, partings,
drop by drop
once in a while little joy
shared silently
when heart feels that no one cares
I sip that cocktail – one day at a time
by instinct or on order from God
wishing that at some point it will
have a taste of true peace
for the last drop I drink

The first post