I am not suppose to think so deep. Today after having a visitor and couple phone calls from relatives I could not stop floating in the thought how do they read my poems? Does it ever enter their minds the thought why I wrote that poem? I do write only when I have thoughts that touch me too deep, hurt or misunderstand what I did like to say looking for someone who could take time and discuss my reasons.
Most of them are longing to find more loving people. Am I unrealistic? Do I always float on a dream rainbow? Is my heart so tender that no one can understand why I feel like I do? My medical physician does understand. The only thing is that I don't have enough time for personal time enough with her. For some reason , that is my soul, they like to get out of f me and if I am distorted to get straighten. Life's standards are changing by the day and I am having hard time letting the good things from the past go watching that today's society drops them  as old fashioned, inconvenient etc.
Since when LOVE isn't love anymore? How is it different today than it was ages ago? Sad loss.
I am still hoping for rebirth...

Time...

I've been told not to think so much, but nothing is so hard as to control the wandering of your own thoughts. I just published my book " Wandering" an after a session at the church about the Journey Forward my thoughts made me re-read a poem I wrote in it:

Time.

No one has enough time

Or so they say.

Yet it’s the most priceless gift

We have through God’s grace.

Why is it so seldom that

We share it with others?

And my ever non-stoppable thoughts put the suggestions of the church work to: look up, look in and look out evaluating my own way of living. I did look up - I do believe the Lord must have made me to write this book. Then I had to look in myself to find out and evaluate what I have in me to give to others by looking out. Further my thoughts started to think about what I wrote - sharing.  Time is a very priceless thing to give and it does not cost any money if we remember the word sacrifice. We are using time watching TV, playing games on iPods and other "newly" invented toys. Do they help anyone to see that life is still worth living even if you are lonesome and forgotten?
I think we are too superficial in lot of things that really are meaningless to live or don't we have anything in ourselves to give?
Why not "sacrifice" some of the so called recreational time to help or socialize with people who are forgotten and ignored for some reason or other?
Am I thinking too idealistic?
What do we sacrifice in this period of worldly life? The Bible , the old testament", said all kinds of sufferings and offerings  for the praise of God. What do we sacrifice?
.. yes, I've been told I'm thinking too deep. Really?...it's hard to stop when you are alone without anyone but God to talk to and to see that he made "this day" for a reason...

...selfcontrol...

The first month of this year is gone. I have not had any real happy days. The year started with a common cold and I was not thinking it might get worse. But I am my own worst enemy because I never realized that I am building my own stress, many times for meaningless things; this did get my blood pressure high and not knowing much about health proceedings I damaged my own eye that had the macular ( wet) degeneration stopped. Now the blood pressure has opened it again. Besides, I was not aware of that and was thinking and worrying that I might have flu. I did not have any symptoms of it that I new of. So it did stress my soul and mind thinking I am at the age  close to life's end. More stress and I was having hard time even to do my bare necessities. How I wished I had some one to talk to and needed a little bit of help to get the stress down. An odd day I felt better, but then I thought again about what else will happen and I was stressed again. Finally I had my regular appointment with my family doctor. She said I did not have flu and told me not to think so much to eliminate the stress that had called all those bodily malfunctions. I felt better after.
  Next week I had a regular check up with my retina specialist doctor. I felt easy going to Toronto to see him. I like him, he is so good to talk to. However, this time my examination showed the damage that the stress had done. My left eye has started to progress the macular deterioration. He started the treatment with the medicine injection in the eyeball and will order an angiogram for me. That did not create a joy. I am trying to follow my physician's advise to control my stress build up. It is hard not to think, especially like I was so used to find details of anything I happen to have popping in my mind. I am trying not to build fear of all this. It is so hard to control my own self made stress.
The only one who could help me must be God and I have to make sure my faith and trust Him will help... Will I be strong enough? - it's scary...